I can't count the number of times I've heard teachers say, "I really don't care if the kids like me or not. As long as they respect me, it doesn't matter."
Let me ask you this... how many people do you respect that you don't like? I'll go out on a limb and say zero. At least for me, that's true. Middle school students are no different. They will NOT respect you if they don't like you. That being said, you don't have to be their friend - that's not what I mean. But you should be someone they actually want to be around!
My eyes were opened a few years ago by a student named Carlos - and his entire class. That class was a challenge, to say the least. (Which happens to be my favorite kind, but we'll leave that alone for another time!) Anyhow, in that class were a number of kids that every other teacher complained about constantly. For me, however, they were angels! Homework? Done! (And trust me when I say, I give A LOT of homework!) Please and Thank you? Always. Quiet in class? Constantly. They would never DREAM of acting up in my class! We laughed and learned and cheered each other on the whole year! They were some of my favorite kids!
One day, I found out about a stunt Carlos pulled in another room that sent me into a tizzy. The kids were talking about it and he sat over in the corner with a look on his face somewhere between pride and sheer terror. (Proud the kids thought he was so "cool' and scared to death that I knew about it!) I decided to set aside what we were about to do and discuss the reasons why they acted like angels for me and demon spawn the second they walked out my door.
After a lengthy discussion about the thousand and one reasons they're supposed to act a certain way in school and in public, I finally asked them, point-blank, why they turned into little monsters when they left my room. I mean, anyone that knows me knows that my class is not an easy class. I expect A LOT from my kids and accept nothing less than their absolute best. I refuse to tolerate disrespect of any kind, toward anyone. The bar is set VERY high in my class, so if they can reach it with me, why not everywhere else?
Carlos, in all his middle school innocence, simply raised his hand and said, "Ms. M, you love us."
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I think the most important classroom management concept is love.
ReplyDeleteFor me, Proverbs 13:24 underlies everything I think about classroom management:
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
There must be discipline, but it must always be done in a benevolent sort of way. A way that says, "You need to do this because it's good for you, and you need to do this because I care enough about you and I know you can do this."
Great post!
I am so glad I unexpectly came across your blog. I run into this with our teachers all the time. How can I get them to understand the difference between enforcing classroom rules and being tyrants?
ReplyDeleteOur students behave in the same manner, good -even great for teachers who set classroom expectations from the first day of school. But as you said, for other teachers who prefer to mock and yell at the students to behave their classroom goes down the tubes so to speak.
I asked one of our middle schoolers about this and her response was, "Why can't the teacher just teach to those of us who want to learn, ignore the trouble makers or put them in the corner - who cares if they fall behind or get bad grades, they sure don't"
In my opinion it's a combination 1-lack of responsibility and 2- wanting to be the victim. If they would take responsibility for their classrooms, it would mean enforcing their own rules, in other words - work, and 2, if they have stories to tell about how badly the students are for them, it brings sympathy from others - attention for them.
Teaching must be about the students and the students must come first.
I think the whole 'I don't care if students like me' is just a cover up...we really do want our students to like us...well I know I do. I don't mind if they don't always agree with me, because I know that's not even a reasonable requests, but I think it would probably tear me up if my students didn't like me. I totally agree with you that in order to earn their respect, you have to be likeable. My response to kids when they say 'Mrs. Kruger, so and so said that he/she doesn't like you (or even the dreaded...hate you)' is "You know, that's okay, I love so and so, but they don't have to like me to learn from me."
ReplyDeleteI am exploring this site for a project I'm doing in a classroom management class. I really enjoyed your post. If you have any further insights that I can use for my project, I'd love for you to share them with me, how you handle special needs students, how has your management style changed over the years of teaching, how do you set up your classroom at the beginning of the year to establish such repore with the students? If you have time, I'd appreciate some of your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThanks,
laura
laura.sperry@park.edu